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Monday, 31 December 2018

15 Of My Most Notably Least Favourite Movies I've Seen in 2018




I felt that I would wrap up 2018 by reflecting upon the highs and lows of the movies I've watched over the past 12 months. Sadly, there was so much dross and yet I cannot help but be attracted to them to see if they are as horrific as people say it is. This post focuses on my least liked films of the year, taking in consideration what I've seen and compared to so many other bad and poor offerings, these ones, unfortunately, stood out the most as either tedious, bland, poor, not enjoyable for me personally or outright horrific, which made it on this list. Or that being said is all of the above.

These are my picks for my hall of shame (and as ever, opinions by me are, indeed, subjective) 


Asian Schoolgirls (2014)

What they said: Steven Millan (Letterboxd)

Despite the promising-sounding premise, Asian School Girls comes off as an utterly sloppily constructed film that may contain a few nude scenes, two graphic rapes, and some spilt bloodshed (that includes a groin stabbing, a throat slashing and bullets through the head), but it is blandly directed, clumsily acted by the cast, and poorly scripted.

What I said: ...I understand that there needs to be more Asian American representation in film to boost visibility and promote its filmmakers and actors and actresses. But Asian School Girls just isn't one of them. Whatsoever. & they hinder, rather than help its progress


Sabotage (2014)


What they said: davey87 (Letterboxd)

Exceedingly and needlessly violent, outright misogynistic and vile in every sense of the word

What I Said:... The main characters are so abrasive, their obnoxiousness is so overwhelming. The only joy I got out of this film is seeing each one of them die


Robots (2005)

What they said: Your Auntie Erin (Letterboxd)

Why does the Robin Williams robot have a big nose...

What I Said: .... Worse and blander than Aladdin, but even worse and more forgettable than Ferngully, insofar as Robin Williams led animated fare goes, Robots is several screws loose, and more 


The Dog Lover (2016)

What they said: HC (Amazon)

.... the acting is truly painful.... plus it's a pathetically, thinly-veiled attack against animal welfare groups who oppose the cruel Puppy Mill industry

What I Said:  As well as the questionable script, the performances were, well, standard TV movie, straight to DVD fare. Of course, animals deserve to be treated with love and respect, but this felt like a propaganda film. So far removed it's unreal.



Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017)

What they said: Jon Turner (Letterboxd)

.... the real problem is the film itself. It's simply noisy, overstuffed with unfunny humour, wastes the talents of all actors involved, and above all, is totally devoid of genuine heart & substance

What I Said: She (in reference to Julia Roberts) and her meagre character said and did little of consequence  & in all honesty, I liked her turn in The Ant Bully far more than in The Smurfs and the attempts by the writers to throw in a rom-com- ish subplot of her character, SmurfWillow falling for Papa Smurf, because, -well, it is a role she plays most of the time in her other movies so why not-, feels awfully trite, tacked on and desperate.


Kickboxer 4: The Aggressor (1994)

What they said: FrKurt Messick (Amazon)

This is a bad film. BAD.

What I said: 

Badly flawed in almost every aspect but for the setting of the movie, Kickboxer 4 revels in its schlocky and rickety - yet pedestrian approach and whilst quantity-wise, there are more fights in this film than the last one and this offering resembles more of a kickboxing movie, quality-wise itself, it's still not good enough for me. 


Behaving Badly (2014)

What they said: Leanne (Letterboxd)

It doesn't even deserve 1/2 star. There should be a negative star system just for this movie

What I said:

As much as people want to lay the blame on the producers for greenlighting dirge such as this, most of it should go to the likes of Mary-Louise Parker, Selena Gomez, Dylan McDermott and Elisabeth Shue: so-called established Hollywood actors, of whom ought to have known better



Molly (1999)

What they said: Koishi (Letterboxd) 

A movie designed for NT normie Americans to feel better about themselves. Very offensive portrayal of autism. 

What I said:

Molly is Rain Man meets Awakenings, but the tone is conflicting: it tries to be meaningful, but at the same time, some scenes are either just laughable or cringing, as they are straight-up bad. 


Norbit (2007)

What they said: Jackson Kim Murphy (Letterboxd)

On its own reprehensible terms, Murphy runs a gauntlet of degradation here, hitting all the rungs from ambushes of emasculation to harsh fat-shaming to the mental instability of declining years; it represents a laudable willingness to do anything. 

What I said:

Bowfinger was fantastic, Trading Places was fab and even Metro and Vampire In Brooklyn were all right. But with Norbit, though with others they will see to it as a misunderstood piece of comedy, unfortunately for me personally, this was just a complete and sheer train-wreck that is also unsalvageable. 


Lady Bugs (1992)

What they said: Todd (Letterboxd)

The film has no logical audience and puts out a number of horrible messages in addition to being passively racist and VERY sexist

What I said:

It's also sudden to see all these questionable aspects in a so-called Pg/G-rated, kid & family friendly affair such as this. The set-ups, whilst they garner no more than chuckles, along with the sexual references & the comedy moments with Matthew transitioning between himself and Martha fail to elicit any amusement from me, as none of the jokes land whatsoever. Some scenes felt uncomfortable, tacky and are deemed inappropriate for younger viewers. 



Britney Ever After (2017)

What they said: Lazaros (Letterboxd)

All in all, yet another Lifetime biopic without the approval of the person in question, which comes off as rather tacky and poorly handled on all ends. 

What I Said:

This is the worst music biopic based on a pop star I have seen and surpasses the Aaliyah one with cheap looking production values, plot inaccuracies and it makes a mockery of not only the singer but to her fans also.



Killshot (2008)

What they said: Nicolas (Letterboxd)

... this is a shabby thriller without actual moments of suspense and with a ridiculous dressed Mickey Rourke to boot.

What I Said:

When there is no action set piece, the story remains stilted, trite and the more the film went on, it gradually became worse it was torturous to endure, and if it wasn't for Levitt, Killshot would be even more shallow and vacuous than it already is. 



Survival Island (2005)

What they said: Asher (Letterboxd)

The best thing about this movie is the cover

What I Said:

I think what some people may find problematic is the fact that Kelly Brooks's Jennifer is a golddigger, who manages to manipulate both men & stringing them along, despite Zane's character being touted as the bad guy. & in the end, she gets away with it. 



Fantastic Four (2015)

What they said: Matt Singer (Letterboxd)

If I'm being honest, I had more fun eating the entire Denny's Fantastic Four menu

What I said:

The Fantastic Four has a straightforward premise and set of characters how movie executives have never managed to get it right, not once, twice but on three occasions is bewildering. It is mostly dire, dispiriting, disjointed. Not to mention uninspiring to offer anything to render it utterly memorable. & memorable it is not.  


Powder Blue (2008)

What they said: merc_ (Letterboxd)

Despite the starry cast, Powder Blue is boring and lifeless. I assume it was two hours, but felt like it would never end. Meh

What I said:

Though the drama aspect becomes more engaging, Powder Blue's tonality is utterly bleak and not the least bit feel-good. Film-wise, it is a sheer waste of the talents of those involved and the juggling of the characters' subplots and plights is both tone-deaf and doesn't amount to anything worthwhile or fulfilling and they fail to interconnect. Instead of tugging at the heartstrings and trying to make me emphasise with the characters.


Dishonourable mentions: 

Full Frontal, Jack Frost, Money Train, Fun With Dick & Jane, Deck The Halls, The Punisher (2004), The Trouble With The Truth, My Giant, Never Back Down, Soul Man, The Hard Corps, Bad Bizness, Double Take, Christmas with the Kranks, Luis and the Aliens, Cook-Off, The Box, Daddy's Little Girls, A.I: Artificial Intelligence, Fireflies In The Garden, Throttle, The Trouble With The Truth

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