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Monday, 6 January 2020

'By Caring About What Others Think Of You, You're Practically A Slave To Their Values That Don't Serve You'

By Waiching

So why do we care so much about his/hers opinions? Maybe it is to do with impressing them, making a positive impression, because we don't want to let them down, we want to live up to their idea of the person they want us to be; well, guess what? Newsflash - this is not reality, it shouldn't be this way and nobody has the right to make you feel this way.

Too much concern about what people think of us can lead us to value and validate what others want from us, as opposed to what we desire, seek and need. And with this, this holds us back from becoming the person we are, and we truly want to be. We then end up conforming to others and accommodating our lives and how we go about them around them and to fulfil the expectations of others to make themselves - and not ourselves happy. When this happens, by putting their interests first and ignoring your own, you are succumbing to what will be unhappiness, sorrow and regret.   

We base our actions, decisions and responses on how we anticipate how others will see us and for them to make judgements, assumptions, base their ideas, as well as to form their own idea of us through their own eyes, and perhaps ears as well. At times we don't do the things we want to do, because for 1) it might be against company policy in their eyes but also 2) they might judge us for it and we're afraid of what others think of us, of me. 

It is said that what people say to your face and think in their minds, how they behave towards you, to them, is more about themselves than you; it might unveil insecurities and anxieties with him/her that they might be unwilling to resolve and address and as of such they are too caught up in their own issues and drama. & it's true. Just think about your favourite celebrities, singers, actors, film stars, sportspeople you idolise or of whom you are a fan of: they became successful in their careers and achieved success, they followed their own path despite critics tearing them down in the media and press, despite internet trolls posting negative comments on social media and web. 

Either way, once you stop caring, once you stop giving a damn about what others think of you and say, followed your heart (& head) and try to live up to your own intentions, ambitions and find happiness within yourself, you have set yourself free. You are, therefore, no longer their slave, their prisoner, you are freed from their shackles. The life you live is your own's - no one else's: you are not here on this earth to live for anyone else but you & you alone, you need to look after and take care of yourself. This is not about being selfish - you are placing and setting boundaries for yourself and with these boundaries, one is pretty much sending out a message to him/her that you refuse to be hurt, refuse to go down when the odds are stacked against you and whatever their vision, ideas revolving around you is not who you know you truly are and is not, - and will never be set in stone. 

You won't impress nor get everyone to like you; this is something that I had accepted, a long time ago and this will never change. There are people that I may not like and there are others who don't like me, yet so friggin' what? And still, this is not the end of the world - nobody is perfect, nobody was put on this earth to be accepted and loved and adored by every single person. Like as if. Deep down, they don't know what is best for me, and I don't and wouldn't know what is best for them. Being unique doesn't imply perfection; rather it means being exclusive, distinct and different in your own skin and being comfortable within it, accepting your flaws and imperfections and in trying to correct them, but also not forgetting to embrace your strengths and positive qualities which also shape you. To muster up the courage, to take risks and do the things nobody expected you to do, and succeed. The only person who knows you best is you - it is you who can take action, only you can make mistakes and experience personal lows & setbacks & recover from them. & that is the main way to learn about life and yourselves. 

I need to continue to become a better version of myself for myself; it's an ongoing and neverending process and even as I am fast approaching 40, it is never too late to do so. 

As Clark Gable in Gone With The Wind famously quoted: ''Frankly my dear I don't give a damn''Not only is this one of the most frequent movie quotes of all-time, but I also need to apply this to my life as well. 

You must stop looking over your shoulder and contemplate and deliberating on what others and naysayers say and think of you and in approving and affirming it by desensitising their remarks. We have one life and this is too short to fret over a person's opinion - regardless of how well or not so well, they know you. As emotionally sensitive as I and we can be, there at times where we must take emotion out of certain situations and be immune to them and carry on doing what we are supposed to be doing and not give a s**t. Things that are out of our control, people of whom we can't change, but these are also things that have no real bearing on our future and in our present lives. Unless you stand your ground, people will get to walk all over you. On the other hand, by standing your ground, they will mark you as stubborn, but eventually, you will get your way - providing you remain firm, strong and tough within yourself, and you don't allow him/her to get under your skin. 

Don't be a people pleaser, just be you - but if you want people in your corner, focus on those that and who do matter most, of whom have your best interests at heart. Don't be a slave to people whose values don't serve you and of whom say things to you that fill you with dread, just to get under your skin and your undivided and unwarranted attention. 

Once you take the right steps to make yourself happy and content, once you do the things according to you and say the things you want to say, then no matter what, you'll know what your values are & you'll stay in your business - and whereas to them, it is none of their business. 

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