Retro Review: Save Me (1994) #badmovies

Save Me
1994
Cast: Harry Hamlin, Lynsette Anthony, Michael Ironside, Bill Nunn
Genre: Erotic Thriller

Plot: An accountant beleaguered by personal and professional problems gets involved with a femme fatale and her mysterious psychiatrist

'Quite Literally Save Yourselves'

As I sat through this film, I was aware that the longer it went on, the more mediocre and awful it became. It has that cheap, low-grade feel, I knew I was watching a monstrosity. There are few erotic thrillers that I like, but Save Me is beyond mediocre - it sucked as hell. Save Me joins the likes of Illegal In Blue and many other low-grade awful late night adult erotic movies.

L.A Law's Harry Hamlin is the unfortunate victim for the femme fatale played by Lysette Anthony, who suffers from multiple personality disorders. Hamlin's character, who in addition has a kid from a previous marriage, falls for Anthony's character and with that, she seduces him, then things go wrong and he sees through her manipulation, and well, things go downhill for him. 

It's films such as Save Me that give erotic thrillers the trashy reputation it has been known for in general; the kind that have very little redeemable qualities and that by removing the explicit sex scenes, this film would have nothing to go by. Speaking of which, the sex scenes are trashy and not the least bit moving; it was sleazy. The facial expressions Jim makes as he makes love to Ellie are almost to the point laughable, and yet they are cringing. I couldn't help but feel how awkward and pitiful those scenes looked. Although for most guys, the only reason to sit through this nonsense is to lavish on Lysette Anthony's naked body.

The script is atrocious, the dialogue is lousy, the performances but for Michael Ironside are abysmal. The characters but for the little boy are unsympathetic and almost one-dimensional ; if anything, Save Me is proof that any B - or make that Z-movie, straight- to -video erotic thriller can have a male lead, who is not Andrew Stevens and whose character is as gullible and dumb enough, and still, it will flop.

Final Verdict:

There is no point writing a longer review for this film because there is not much to see or dwell on here.

Save Me is extremely forgettable and is the epitome of these types of films: plenty of hot sex scenes where the characters are 'ne-ked', bad dialogue, bad story and nothing else.

This is neo-noire of the lowest common denominator with no redeemable moments. It's a B-movie and a practically dumb one, all the way through. And the monster truck inclusion, I don't know what that was all about. Once this film strayed further away from the plot and focused more on the sex than everything else, that's what sank Save Me.

It's softcore noire, at its cheapest. Next....




Overall: 

Retro Review: Illegal In Blue (1995)

Illegal In Blue

1995

Cast: Stacy Dash, Dan Gauthier, Paul Giambalvo, Trevor Goddard, Sandra Dee Robinson
Genre: Direct To Video Erotic Crime Thriller

Plot: A cop taking personal leave after he witnesses money stolen from the police property room becomes involved with a beautiful singer, who may have killed her husband

'Softcore Erotic Thriller With Raunchy Sex, But Lacking In Genuine Thrills'

Illegal In Blue is a title that sounds so vague one wonders what this thing is that is coloured Blue and deemed Illegal. Still, with a bad name for a film, surely the film itself must be intriguing itself. 

In this case, however, the answer is evidently no, it is not. Besides the poster not featuring the two main stars, but rather 2 anonymous look-a-like actors passing themselves off as the characters. And yet I also learned that motion picture production and distribution company, Orion - home of the original Terminator, Robocop, Cadillac Man & Silence of the Lambs- had a hand in this so-called low budget, direct-to-video release. Orion had been struggling a lot during the 1990s, and with Illegal In Blue, it all but became the final nail in the coffin for them. 

Disgraced cop Chris Morgan, who got suspended for making allegations of corruption, moonlights as a cab driver at night, who then falls head over heels in love with a nightclub singer, Kari, who becomes a chief suspect in the murder of her wealthy husband. 

Illegal In Blue was directed by the same guy who did the '80s TV detective series, Hunter, who after that show went on to direct softcore X rated films. It also has so many plot holes, along with story-lines that occur out of nowhere and with no context to them, whatsoever. The lack of continuity is baffling. Right after when Chris's girlfriend dumps him after she finds out he has been sleeping with the suspect, she disappears, never to be seen or heard of again. 

The plot and the set-up are oh so predictable and nothing that we haven't seen before. The only thing that barely draws attention to this film, is the erotic sex scenes. The sex scenes generate a fair amount of heat themselves. However, there are few examples of other films of this type that manage to sustain my interest and more so than the lovemaking antics themselves by also offering an entertaining narrative. The dialogue is pitiful and so garbled, lacking in range and dimension. The story itself goes from making one trifling plot hole to another and most of it makes little to no sense, it's almost as if the writer comes out with one silly twist to another, yet with each attempt, they never try to explain virtually how and why this happened. Put it this way: it's like watching a film but when things happen, they never justify themselves and in the context it is in, that one ends up wondering, shaking their head in dismay. That was how I reacted with each plot twist that occurred.

The performances are forgettable, particularly by the main two with lead hunk, Dan Gauthier virtually wooden. Stacy Dash was better in Clueless and Mo' Money- yet I was surprised to see her here and going down the nude front. Her acting performance also lacked range and her delivery was very stilted and one-note. Didn't like the cop character played by Gauthier; talk about a dirty cop, not only is Chris terrible at his job he just comes across as naive and clueless & cheating on his girlfriend, even though he thinks he is smart. Yet he is not and towards the end when he got his just desserts, I didn't have any empathy for him. 

Illegal In Blue is your fairly typical low-grade softcore crime film, the likes you virtually see on those obscure adult cable channels, with plenty of nakedness on show and not much substance between it. 

Final Verdict:

This is a typically routine & gratuitous T&A affair that is the same film as Basic Instinct, with a cop sleeping with the suspect. But without the excitement, twists, believability of the story and quality of performances. 

Yet for a thriller, it doesn't thrill or excite me one bit and the whole thing didn't leave me wanting more. The main plot is left unresolved somewhat, as I never knew for sure if Shari is indeed the killer. 

With the motivations of the characters going awry in a barrage of cliches, badly written dialogue, sex scenes & predictability, and not forgetting the idiocy of the cop character, who doesn't care where he sticks his you-know-what and into whom, the film becomes so easily forgotten about that I could care less for Chris and Shari. 

Overall:

Retro Review: Nine 1/2 Weeks (1986)

Nine 1/2 Weeks
1986
Cast: Mickey Rourke, Kim Basinger, Margaret Whitton, Christine Baranski 
Genre: Erotic Romantic Drama

Worldwide Box Office Gross: over $6 million

Plot: A woman becomes involved with a man she barely knows; complications develop during their sexual escapades 

 

'Sex Scenes Alone Do Not Make For A Compelling Erotic Drama, Which Compelling This Ain't'

Originally shot and produced in 1984, only to be shelved and released 2 years later after it wasn't well received by test audiences - and with that, the movie was constantly re-edited, 9 & a Half Weeks, was written by Adrian Lynne who did Fatal Attraction in 1987, which fared much better than this offering. The film is a difficult one to fathom as it basically deals with a woman, who gets her kicks out of being physically and emotionally abused, whilst being in a relationship with Mickey Rourke's character, John. The pair of them take it in turns, playing mind games on each other, well John towards Elizabeth anyway, with this sadomasochistic fling becoming less erotic and more tawdry. With regards to this aspect, their 'affair' was more about manipulation and controlling the other person, rather than actual feelings of love and lust. Liz was too passive and so easily manipulative, it was as if the film intentionally made her out that way. Which is probably the case. This wasn't a love affair, but a relationship based on nothing that was doomed to fail. It certainly doesn't evoke positive qualities to their lifestyle. Behind John's smouldering good looks lies a perplexing & yet obsessed character. 

Despite being billed as an erotic thriller, it wasn't as erotic as I'd expected it to be, but that also with a drama or thriller, erotic or otherwise, you need much more than just sex and sex scenes to sell a movie. The script has to be sufficient, the characters, or be it characterisations need to be appealing or have something that sells the film, the performances have to be convincing and interesting, that it has to hold your attention span for the duration of the film..... yet 9 & a Half Weeks really falls short in all four of these areas. That, and I found the pacing extremely slow and arduous and the narrative & characters were underdeveloped and lacking in depth. 

There is not much to enjoy in this film, nor recommend - unless you are fascinated by seeing Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger getting it on with each other, yet even in that respect, it comes across as being underwhelming. The sex scenes leave a lot to be desired and neither were they as highly erotic and sensual as the director originally billed it as. Surprisingly, Basinger used a stunt double during most of them. The sex scenes between Al Pacino and Ellen Barkin in Sea of Love likewise were far more seductive and steamy than what I saw in this film. I've also seen erotica- ok, don't judge me now!-, steamier love scenes and with more passion in some straight-to-DVD NC-17, R and X rated adult erotic dramas and thrillers than in 9 & a Half Weeks. For all its titillation, dry humping scenes, the scene where John feeds Elizabeth food in her mouth, & being a runaway success on the home video market, this doesn't transcend nearly as well, as the film gradually loses steam and becomes incredibly underwhelming & dreary. Although the chase scene that descends into a fight did liven up proceedings. For a brief while. Unbelievably, given the cult status, it has attained over the years, the plot is still weak with not much going for it. The longer this film went on, the more bored I got. 

9 & a Half Weeks bombed at the box office -yet became a (lukewarm) hit on home video during the mid-1980s to say early 1990s.

Apparently, there is an uncut version of this film with all the uncensored, naughty bits left intact, but the version I watched online was pretty tame on the erotic front, & yet I wasn't and isn't so sure if this is the edited version. 

Final Verdict: 

Kinky in places, but based on the version that I've watched, that erotic passion was underplayed, timid and it is more a film about taking advantage of innocent people through mental and sexual means, just to fulfil one's desires. Or be it desperations. 9 1/2 Weeks wasn't titillating or enthralling as an erotic thriller/drama; rather it was so baseless that it bored me on several occasions, I'd fast forward it to the good bits. And yet these were few and far between. 

Judging by what I saw was probably- though I'm not sure of - the edited version, 9 1/2 Weeks was more of a yawn fest for me, comprised of 9 1/2 mins or so of sex, 1 or 2 chase scenes and nothing else to it. There is no plot and no story either. 

Given all the talk of it, my expectations were high and thus, yes, assuredly this film, in my eyes anyway, didn't really live up to them. 

Needless to say, you can give me Fatal Attraction over 9 1/2 Weeks any day.


Overall: