To Feel Valued By Others, Or To Value Our Self-Worth Ourselves?

By Waiching

According to Annie McKee, author of  How To Be Happy At Work, ''we all have a human need to be appreciated for our efforts, and so when your colleagues don't notice (your contributions), it makes you feel as though you don't belong. Self-doubt starts to creep in, and you think, 'if no one notices what I'm doing, how am I going to get ahead?''.

I guess one should ask themselves, why should I toot my own horn? Validating myself is a form of external validation and to make a concerted effort to pat myself on the back for a 'job well done'.

Feeling valued and appreciated at work is something we need to boost our confidence and to encourage us to do even better. Whether we admit it, or not. As humans, it's in our nature to want to feel appreciated, loved, supported and included. As employees, when we feel valued and that we matter we tend to find ourselves engaged with our work and feel satisfied and motivated when things go right. It acts as a motivator for us to do better and for him/her to realise that my/our efforts count for something by recognising and acknowledging them. 

Self - value is often behavioural than emotional and it is all about how you act towards something you value. When we value or place value on others, we value and pride ourselves more and are able to grow and develop as humans. It is often said that by putting ourselves and our needs first ahead of others, we are being vain, selfish and unkind: this line of thinking may ring true to most people, but deep down, the thing is that if either you or I don't take care of ourselves and make ourselves the number 1 priority, first and foremost and realising that as we are not all perfect, we have imperfections and flaws that need to be ironed out and addressed, then when problems do arise, we are, unfortunately, ill-equipped in dealing with them on an emotional level. Alas, we end up doing and saying things that we regret later on. 

Why should we preach to others in valuing, acknowledging and respecting us, - yet we don't take care of and look after ourselves and manage our own self-care? It doesn't make sense. You and your needs come first before others. 

For years since I was young, I allowed myself to be taken advantage of and trying to appease people to get them to value and like me. I was giving so much of myself, but I ended up being pushed back. I surrounded myself with certain people, of whom instead of lifting me up, brought me misery, who dragged me down. That, and the 'rejection' and resentment hurt me. As I got older, I saw to it that this was unhealthy and that I couldn't afford to go down that road. 

By convincing others of your worth and not having self-respect for yourself, you are setting yourself up for disappointment, because you are seeking validation from them, in an attempt to determine your happiness, your joy. This is wrong. It is also wrong for people to mistreat you, and if they do that, you need to walk away and keep a distance. 

Valuing yourself is not of you lowering your guard or your standards, it does not mean being arrogant or bragging about how good or amazing you are: rather it is by you in recognising the skills, traits, positive qualities that we acquire that make you of value, reinforcing what are your strongest assets, whilst still actively working on your weakest ones. As long as you do it without disrespecting others, you are free to stay true to who you are and that whenever someone tries to dampen your mood, you never take it personally & that you ignore it and brush it off.

In all walks of life, people accept and work in low-paid jobs or jobs where they are dealing with and working alongside different types of people from around the world and whose personalities differ and vary across the board. There are people of whom you may get along with, and others of whom you don't & won't: HOWEVER, if you go to work with the intention of earning and making money and not making friends, then this won't be such a big deal to you. 

Remember, you can't change other people by being so dependant on them, especially so that you want them to see that you are of merit to them, as well as for them, - but what you can do is to change and control yourself, your emotions, your responses, your actions for yourself, for the greater good, and in doing so, recognising your self-worth. In doing so, you are confident, content, happy. Be kind, be positive and compassionate and tune out those negative feelings.

I must stop in giving so much of myself away to other people that do not value and respect me & to place a higher worth on myself. I deserve to be happy.

Know what you are worth, appreciate your own worth and the good deeds that you hold in high regard. Don't compare yourself to others, but rather challenge yourself. Establish boundaries and when you sense that someone has infringed them, let them know or just maintain a distance from him/her. Work to the best of your ability, even if others may not see it themselves or shout about it. And so what if they don't see or appreciate your true worth? Happiness comes from within you, from not giving a damn what anyone else thinks or says and by valuing the skills and strengths that you bring to the table and your successes and achievements in life. 

You live your life for yourselves - not them, not him/her, & neither for anyone else.