By Waiching
Source: Cheaper than therapy.tumblr.com
Toxic people are and can be so harmful to one's well-being; for someone like myself who has been depressed for a long period of time, and who can become emotionally sensitive in certain situations when things get out of hand and to allow my emotions and feelings to be affected that is so overwhelming, I find this to be deadly, as I don't do particularly well in dealing with these types of people. I tend to be very passive and not gravitate towards them.
Having encountered my fair share of these individuals throughout my life, since my teen years, 20s and in my 30s, it's their constant (pattern of) behaviour that I deem erratic, that unsettles me and it makes me feel uncomfortable, to the point it becomes too much to bear and leaves me in a verge of tears. Toxic people like to create drama, tension and they try to warp people's minds to their advantage: it's the constant battle of not trying to get sucked into their mindset that I find extremely difficult.
When it does happen, I become visibly upset, distressed and I am left feeling helpless.
I also realise that toxic people have different versions of themselves and they switch personalities, behaviours and attitudes, and sometimes for no apparent reason; they are never the same people, they keep others guessing by being nice, friendly, having a laugh one minute... the next they lash out, get angry, become agitated and moody, cranky.
These people are just not worth your attention and in work, it's even more difficult to cut them out of your life, completely; especially if you are having to work with them or you see them on a daily basis at work, during study or whatever, because once so often, the cracks show and you see them at their sheer worst. You can't compromise with them, you can't really elicit change from them and unlike most people, they have no conscience as they defy all attempts and through means of validating their own unhealthy behaviours. We are able to cut them out completely outside of work and within our personal lives, as we can choose who to come into contact with - but with work, we do not have that option.
But really, you cannot let them destroy or affect your happiness: one has to let them go until things subside and come back when the mood has shifted to a more neutral level. If you have done something wrong, apologise to them and move on... but even then, if s/he continues to behave in a way that is just not physically, mentally and emotionally healthy for yourself and themselves and it is going around in circles all the time, then ultimately the issues lie with them that they need to actively resolve themselves by seeking counselling or help. I get fed up and tired of going through this ongoing cycle over and over with the person, whilst trying to justify and defend myself when relations between myself and the other party break down when it gets out of hand. I shouldn't have to push for them to take notice. Why should it only be people who fall victim to their erratic behaviour that have to talk and confide to a counsellor about this issue?
Even worse is when I lack the cognitive and emotional skills to deal with conflict, directly and so when I am in a room with a few people and the (toxic) person who is speaking to and addressing me by emphasising the negatives and is personally attacking me, I find it is too much to bear that I find it hard to defend myself, trying to be strong, - and yet knowing no matter what I do say, they are always going to shoot it down by using it as a stick to beat me down with and make me feel guilty and bad.... and that, in itself, makes me feel even more worthless and in the wrong. Which I absolutely loathe. When I am put on the spot, I don't do well with extreme negativity and conflict; conflict to me is the P word: painful and with that, comes a lot of excess baggage it takes a tremendous toll on my emotions and feelings; I try to avoid it as much as I can before it exacerbates (and when it does exacerbate, I retaliate and at times curse or swear at the person, which is terrible, or become extremely upset) and I absolutely despise arguing and hurting people's feelings. That's not the person I am.
But when I get sucked right into it and it gets to a stage where I have to remain strong, to find the right words to say and to handle criticism and accusations being made against me, it becomes a colossal struggle.
That and plain and simple, having a fight or argument just isn't worth the energy for 4 reasons as it's a) tiring, b) stressful, c) psychologically and emotionally speaking it hurts too much for me and plus, it puts an enormous amount of strain on our personal and professional relationships. It's best for one's sake to emotionally distance (and physically distance, unless you are working with them) themselves from him/her & to keep all conversations to a minimal. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and make you feel good on the inside and outside.
The lesson I've learnt in life until now, which will carry me on until I die, is that you can't please everyone, but also I have to remain calm, rational, diligent, strong and not to become so emotionally attached to certain people. It's one thing that they mess with your head... but to also for him/her to play on your emotions and feelings, is just as potentially harmful and it doesn't do you a world of good, either. My 20+ years of depression and anxiety result in myself in not dealing with toxic people very well.
Sometimes, it's a habit, and a tough one to crack, which I haven't managed to handle well; it's going to take time, as well as time to break, yet I must firmly stand my ground and constantly remind myself that I am not one to play mind games and I won't be messed around with.
Not forgetting the strengths and the positive attributes that I have that have carried me forward in work and in life so far, which will help me later on in life, as I get older.
Source: Cheaper than therapy.tumblr.com
Toxic people are and can be so harmful to one's well-being; for someone like myself who has been depressed for a long period of time, and who can become emotionally sensitive in certain situations when things get out of hand and to allow my emotions and feelings to be affected that is so overwhelming, I find this to be deadly, as I don't do particularly well in dealing with these types of people. I tend to be very passive and not gravitate towards them.
Having encountered my fair share of these individuals throughout my life, since my teen years, 20s and in my 30s, it's their constant (pattern of) behaviour that I deem erratic, that unsettles me and it makes me feel uncomfortable, to the point it becomes too much to bear and leaves me in a verge of tears. Toxic people like to create drama, tension and they try to warp people's minds to their advantage: it's the constant battle of not trying to get sucked into their mindset that I find extremely difficult.
When it does happen, I become visibly upset, distressed and I am left feeling helpless.
I also realise that toxic people have different versions of themselves and they switch personalities, behaviours and attitudes, and sometimes for no apparent reason; they are never the same people, they keep others guessing by being nice, friendly, having a laugh one minute... the next they lash out, get angry, become agitated and moody, cranky.
These people are just not worth your attention and in work, it's even more difficult to cut them out of your life, completely; especially if you are having to work with them or you see them on a daily basis at work, during study or whatever, because once so often, the cracks show and you see them at their sheer worst. You can't compromise with them, you can't really elicit change from them and unlike most people, they have no conscience as they defy all attempts and through means of validating their own unhealthy behaviours. We are able to cut them out completely outside of work and within our personal lives, as we can choose who to come into contact with - but with work, we do not have that option.
But really, you cannot let them destroy or affect your happiness: one has to let them go until things subside and come back when the mood has shifted to a more neutral level. If you have done something wrong, apologise to them and move on... but even then, if s/he continues to behave in a way that is just not physically, mentally and emotionally healthy for yourself and themselves and it is going around in circles all the time, then ultimately the issues lie with them that they need to actively resolve themselves by seeking counselling or help. I get fed up and tired of going through this ongoing cycle over and over with the person, whilst trying to justify and defend myself when relations between myself and the other party break down when it gets out of hand. I shouldn't have to push for them to take notice. Why should it only be people who fall victim to their erratic behaviour that have to talk and confide to a counsellor about this issue?
Even worse is when I lack the cognitive and emotional skills to deal with conflict, directly and so when I am in a room with a few people and the (toxic) person who is speaking to and addressing me by emphasising the negatives and is personally attacking me, I find it is too much to bear that I find it hard to defend myself, trying to be strong, - and yet knowing no matter what I do say, they are always going to shoot it down by using it as a stick to beat me down with and make me feel guilty and bad.... and that, in itself, makes me feel even more worthless and in the wrong. Which I absolutely loathe. When I am put on the spot, I don't do well with extreme negativity and conflict; conflict to me is the P word: painful and with that, comes a lot of excess baggage it takes a tremendous toll on my emotions and feelings; I try to avoid it as much as I can before it exacerbates (and when it does exacerbate, I retaliate and at times curse or swear at the person, which is terrible, or become extremely upset) and I absolutely despise arguing and hurting people's feelings. That's not the person I am.
But when I get sucked right into it and it gets to a stage where I have to remain strong, to find the right words to say and to handle criticism and accusations being made against me, it becomes a colossal struggle.
That and plain and simple, having a fight or argument just isn't worth the energy for 4 reasons as it's a) tiring, b) stressful, c) psychologically and emotionally speaking it hurts too much for me and plus, it puts an enormous amount of strain on our personal and professional relationships. It's best for one's sake to emotionally distance (and physically distance, unless you are working with them) themselves from him/her & to keep all conversations to a minimal. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and make you feel good on the inside and outside.
Sometimes, it's a habit, and a tough one to crack, which I haven't managed to handle well; it's going to take time, as well as time to break, yet I must firmly stand my ground and constantly remind myself that I am not one to play mind games and I won't be messed around with.
Not forgetting the strengths and the positive attributes that I have that have carried me forward in work and in life so far, which will help me later on in life, as I get older.
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