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Saturday, 14 December 2019

'Letting Go Of Past Woes Can Be A Struggle, But It's Crucial To Move On'




By Waiching

Most of us struggle and find it difficult to let go of the past by clinging onto things that make us mentally and emotionally weak, sad, upset and angry, - and with that our inner consciousness of our fears, self-doubts, insecurities, mistakes and of the people who have done us wrong, manifest. & it is with these things that prevent us from moving forward in our lives. It is hard to let go of the negative experiences; experiences that we dreaded, but also we wished had never happened in the first place that ended up hurting us.

Emotions play a huge role and we have all been hurt at one point in our lives, in some way or another, through someone we have encountered at work or in personal relationships.

2019 has been a challenging and eventful year for me; both professionally, work-wise and personally. So much has happened, I have been there and done that; there have some good moments, some bad moments that I want to forget -, and moments I deeply regret. If I could go back and things didn't and hadn't turned out the way they did and went wrong, I'd be happy and content perhaps, but there wouldn't any obstacles and hurdles for me to overcome: life would be simple, straightforward... but it would be boring as well. 

Blaming others for the pain that they caused us, pointing fingers is the first thing we do out of anger & uncertainty and in response because it is the easiest thing to do. 


When we are forced to confront the very things that worry or scare us - be it through the people we meet, the setbacks, missteps and knockbacks, the past that we can't change, it can be a real struggle knowing how to deal with it or them, particularly if you never had undergone anything like that, before in your lives. It's like entering newfound and unfamiliar territory as we try and make sense of not only the situation but the main problem that lies within it. Nobody wants to contend with the emotional turmoil and baggage that comes with the problem, & in letting go - because we didn't and never asked for this (drama) to begin with. S/he did something wrong (to us) or wronged us that our feelings get hurt as they matter so much to us, we want justice. We find it difficult in our hearts to forgive, and near impossible to forget that the pain escalates right deep inside of us, - because we are afraid of being let down and hurt again. 

For me, reliving the pain over and over can be all too much. When it happens over and over, it becomes a gruelling and ongoing cycle that one wishes would stop, completely. We want them to acknowledge and accept that they were and are in the wrong, for them to admit their guilt and to hold their hands up & saying ''sorry''. Thing is, nine times out of ten this doesn't and never happens. Expectations don't lead to the outcomes that we expect or want from and out of others. 

Holding onto, or harbouring these subconscious feelings by expecting things to happen the way you want them or wanting them to do or say the thing you expect of him/her, is a tall order to ask: you can't make them change just for you; rather you must accept them for who they are and for you and me to change how you and I deal or approach them. We must accept and deal with the hardships that come our way the best way we can & the past stays in the past: we can't go back and undo it. The first part is hard, but once you put this into practice and let things slide and not allow your emotions to control or overwhelm you, the better you will feel.

& by constantly dwelling on these past mistakes, I lose sight of a) my own goals, b) a sense of direction that I want to head towards and c) it will make me feel miserable as well. 

I am a very emotional person, and it is tough trying to let go, but if we practice compassion, patience, remain strong-willed and tough on the inside without being sucked into unnecessary drama, negative energy & conflict, doing dumb things that will cost us dearly and have love for ourselves as we work to feel better, this makes it a tad easier. There is a quote that reads, ''Nobody can make me inferior without my consent'', - and no one has the power to make you feel better, but you and you alone. They can't define who you are. Happiness comes from within me, myself and yourself.

When the chips are down and you allow feelings of the past to consume you, one needs to find the inner strength, just about when your head drops down & tells you to ''give up'', and for your heart that says, ''no'' and to continue fighting on and feeling positive and encouraged by it and the steps you are taking to achieve happiness through life, work or whatever in the present day.

Holding onto something that we want to happen, we do it because it feels important to us, it makes us happy and that we want to be happy so it gives us peace of mind. When it doesn't happen, when it goes against us or our free will, we live in disappointment and frustration and develop & harbour feelings of bitterness and resent the other person, which can crush your own soul and your own self. We depend on others by attaching or clinging ourselves onto them and even perhaps our ideals of them too; HOWEVER, it is when they change or become a different person or become a completely different person to who they were before, that is when we tend to struggle to understand and deal with: a) to understand our acceptance of him/her, b) understanding of change and c) getting used to the unknown. When we struggle to understand not of who they are, but why they are the way they are, our feelings and emotions become affected and we end being hurt. 

Nothing is as clear cut and black and white as it seems and as we'd like it to be. 

I think the main point is in wishing, hoping and by anticipating something that, in reality, will never happen now or in the near future, due to various circumstances and what has happened previously, which was often painful, difficult and negative and reliving those feelings all of the time, one is setting themselves up for what is a sheer disappointment, and even heartache & sadness. I learnt a valuable lesson: We can't alter what happened in the past, so what is the use to dwell on it further? Because it is not going to make a lick of difference, whatsoever. When we depend on other people to make ourselves happy when they don't truly serve us well, it hurts our emotional stability.

We and I need to be adamant and to let go of things and people who don't matter and are irrelevant, to make inner peace with ourselves by changing our mental and emotional mindset to one which is healthy and strong, to focus on our individual selves, on what and who can influence your happiness, accepting it is what it is, to learn to live in the present and to look forward & with optimism through moving on with our lives, as well as hope towards a much brighter and happier future.

Memories are moments we look back on with fondness, whilst in experiences, you either learn from them, - or let them define you. If it is the latter and negative and destructive, it is then it ceases to be meaningful and alas, it is no longer good for your health. 

Letting go of the past doesn't erase it, it is not forgetting what happened, but in letting go of our expectations and of the things that will never happen. We don't suffer because of the situation, dilemma or whatever - we suffer and feel unhappy as we wanted it to turn out the way we or I wanted or expected it to be, - and yet it didn't. 

Just leave the painful past where it belongs, in the past, & it won't catch up on you. 



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